The tides of content creation in our little ecosystem ebb and flow, though controlled by the whims of local shitposters in place of Selene, and in place of crashing into our shores and eroding them into endless fractals your local math nerd has a fun fact to batchest about, our Tides stacks Sanges.
It is my utmost confidence that Clarity has been around for long enough that that reference will be missed by many which inspires me to reach into the abyss of content past, and shamelessly rehash the work of past greats — by which I naturally mean myself.
In the olden days, when the world was in black and white and you’d have to go uphill both ways no matter where you were going, I used to mercilessly shit out content for RD2L. Hits and misses, mind you, but I enjoyed many of those concepts and have wanted to repeat some of them with a fresh generation for a while now.
In deciding to finally do so, I set out to repeat my 13 Questions With series, bigger and better than before; I wrote up a list of 21 questions, just like 50 Cent, and started contemplating which grandiose, larger than life community cornerstones I’d go to for the interviews. Someone reliable, someone intelligent and introspective, I thought — that’d be good! But instead I settled for mint, who in journeying across frozen tundras typed up answers to each and every question, then forgot to hit send and lost what I can only assume to have been hours of work chiseling away at a glorious masterpiece that would rival the grand Buddha at Ling Shan (by which I do if course mean a Finnish accent with such heft that it would come through in pure text going “uh idk I guess snufkin and shift are kool"), as well as eisi, whose unwillingness to look back at teammates past and future resulted in him skipping the dream team questions, a clue that he in his life has invested less effort only into unboxing the Swiss-state mandated automatic rifle he received complementary with a Toblerone.
Thus I dug deep into my knowledge of the content landscape, and distilled it down to its most base essence — long reads yucky eww, control+f yay — and cut the 21 questions down to a tactical 5, tactical in that they might bait the many interviewees into thinking we care to get to know them better, rather than pray they say they like us so that we may move on with life with that extra bit of attention. A fruitless endeavor for yours truly it turned out to be, as my name appears too few times in the answers, considering the immense pressure I imply by being the one to prompt community members for an answer.
I digress. For those of you unlucky enough to be deemed unworthy, rest assured it’s probably personal. No, jokes aside, I strove to contact mainly veterans with multiple seasons under their belt, since they’d have a greater pool of teammates to draw from. Stick around long enough and I’ll pester you in the next iteration — how’s that for retention incentives?
The questions were brief and straightforward, for the sake of optimizing DM spammability:
1. Imagine someone is putting together a Liquipedia page for you. What are your 3 signature heroes on it?
2. What’s your dream team of players you’ve played on a team with before, with and without yourself on the roster?
3. What’s your dream team of players you’ve never been on a team with, with and without you on the roster?
4. Pick one player who you’d be willing to have on every future team you play on.
5. What would make you tank a ban to leave a team?
Note: As per the above, players were prompted to list an iteration of both dream teams with and without themselves on the roster. The player they’d replace themselves with is shown in (brackets). Some didn’t stick to the format on occasion — some I chased down for follow-ups, some not, sue me.
Waloo
Seasons played: 0, 1, 2 (Div 1 Champion), 3, 5 (Div 1 Champion), 6, 7, 8 (Div 1 Champion), 9
1. Morphling, Riki, Pango
2. Mugen, Shift, Waloo (Mint), Myst, Agnitos
3. KTZ, Koros, Eisi, Ri, Buzda
4. Skully
5. One more team with 2 braincell offliner
Snufkin
Seasons played: 1, 2, 4 (Div 1 Champion), 5, 6, 7, 8, 10
- CM, Venge, Wyvern
- Waloo, bunny, Mint, Shift, Snufkin (Crysen)
- Gabe, Koros, Crispy Bacon, Zakke, Me (Kidaro)
- Crispy Bacon
- Barg
Madsen
Seasons played: 0, 1, 2 (Div 1 Champion), 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 (Div 1 Champion), 8, 9, 10
- Razor, CK, Luna
- Madsen (Waloo), Harbinger, Crispy Bacon, Ekki, Myst
- Madsen / wooo / Blackjack / Kidaro / Snufkin (without me, Hazel in for 1)
- Crispy Bacon
- Some utter schedule breakdown is about the only thing I can think of.
Jihapse
Seasons played: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
- Axe, Lycan, Beastmaster
- Gabe, Koros, jihapse (Mint), Zakke, Shift
- Ekki, Rosa, jihapse (Bunny), Crispy Bacon, Snufkin
- Shift
- Combination of personal life being busier and having a really shit team atmosphere.
Bianco
Seasons played: 4 (Div 3 Champion), 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 (Div 3 Champion)
- Furion, Lycan, Kunkka
- Olaf, Gunson, Bianco (Poppy), h2okay, meowmeow (Benji — “Because Olaf really wants his Benji season)
- SwagMander, Hugh, Bianco (Mikel), Jammytwit, sparvel
- h2okay
- Anything related to my last RD2L experience X D
Rapdis
Seasons played: 1 (Div 1 Champion), 3, 4, 6, 10
- Nature’s Prophet, Leshrac, Rubick,
- Ligbank, Rapdis, Crispy Bacon, Zakke, Nappa
- Bahoidaniel, Rapdis (Koros), Poppy, Snufkin, Kot
- Zakke
- I almost tanked a ban in lvd2 due to toxicity (5 days ago lol). Ended up not tanking it, cuz only couple games left. The only reason I would leave team is duo to toxicity/irl emergency.
SgtAverage
Seasons played: 1, 2, 3, 9 (Div 2 Champion), 10
- Io, Earth Spirit, Doom
- TOP, Bronhi, Mikel, SgtAverage, sparvel
- Kidaro, Mugen, SgtAverage, Ekken, Shift
- I would lane with Mikel every season if I could
- If some 7–8k is the highest mmr on the team and is very high and mighty about it and just wants to micro-manage every aspect of the game and they are so toxic when they can’t. Cough Rosa/ligbank cough
Cory
Seasons played: 5, 6, 8 (Div 1 Champion), 9 (Div 1 Champion), 10 (Div 1 Champion)
- LC, Ursa, Slardar
- Gabe, Koros, Ekki, X-Ray
- Szajtek, Crispy Bacon, RobMyst, Sky_
- Koros
- when i have to play the middle lane / when nappa dodges my team
STJ
Seasons played: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 (Div 2 Champion), 9, 10
- Centaur, Mars, Underlord
- Marci, Skully, Waloo, STJ (Poppy), deniz — frankly not the best team but hey, it’s stable and spicy all at once
- Scalar, Draagaan, eisi, Crispy Bacon, STJ (Glitch) — honestly no clue where to even insert myself here hypothetically
- It has to be Christopher (Crispy Bacon), the man is literally spotless, I don’t think I’ve had an argument with him in my life
- Nsphere probably
Erie
Seasons played: 7 (Div 2 Champion), 8, 9, 10
- Techies, Tree, Ench
- Luneroshay, ri, Poppy, Zaop, Erie (Calli)
- Mads, Gunson, jihadi, Karma, Erie (Buzda)
- Poppy
- Probably that nsphere panda stack
sparvel
Seasons played: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 (Div 2 Champion), 7, 8, 9 (Div 2 Champion), 10
- Phoenix, Pudge, Elder Titan
- matotim0, Olly, Dominic, SgtAverage, eisi
- Gav, haraway, Poppy, Crispy Bacon, caveat emptor
- Mikel
- A grumpy Nsphere
Reddydas
Seasons played: 1 (Div 3 Champion), 2, 4, 6 (Div 2 Champion), 9, 10
- Spectre, Luna, Weaver
- Epona, Zakke, Nfd, sparvel, Reddydas (Szajtek)
- Bahoidaniel, Crispy Bacon, Reddydas (Madsen), Sky, Thunderdyne
- Epona
- Playing with Nsphere again
KhezuC
Seasons played: 5, 7, 8, 9, 10
- Tiny, Mirana, Brew
- Swag, Hugh, KhezuC (jetamo), haraway, 2pac
- (in my division probably) Abba, hungrybrowny, KhezuC (Bianco), Kaitaro, meowmeow
- Samurice
- being flamed massively I guess
Zakke
Seasons played: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8
- Rubick, Sky, Kunkka
- Neox, Blackjack, wooo, Moonchild, Zakke
- Benji, Shift, Snufkin, Myst, Zakke
- jihadi. Comfy gaming.
- Bad comms.
Calli
Seasons played: 5, 6, 7 (Div 2 Champion), 8, 9 (Div 1 Champion), 10 (Div 2 Champion)
- Hoodwink, Dark Willow, Techies
- Gabe, Koros, Arian, X-Ray, Calli (Cory)
- Unseelie, Mads, Poppy, Calli, deniz
- Cory
- Visa issues (like what happened to me in RD2L)
I have a couple more responses primed, but will cut part one at this clean 15. We will continue with part two at a later date, but for now, it’s time to tally the results and look at who Clarity’s most eligible bache- I mean uh, desired teammates are:
It’s Crispy Bacon, c’mon, don’t delude yourself. Yes, naturally, everyone wants to play with Crispy Bacon, and he leads the pack at 8 votes, so let’s instead focus on all the players people like who aren’t Crispy Bacon for once.
Tied at 6 votes each, it’s Koros and Poppy.
Just behind them at 5 is Shift.
With 4 votes each, you get a list that would make for a frightening roster: Ekki, Gabe, Myst, Snufkin and Zakke.
Tied at 3 each are Eisi, Kidaro, Mint, sparvel and Waloo.
Finally, with 2 mentions each, it’s Bahoidaniel, Benji, Blackjack, Bunny, Buzda, Erie, Gunson, haraway, Hugh, Mads, meowmeow, Mikel, Mugen, Ri, Sky, Swagmander, Szajtek, wooo and X-ray.
There are then 44 individuals who have been mentioned once each, but seeing as I’m among them and dread the concept of looking at a rundown that above me features the likes of haraway, or a player who has literally not even played Clarity, I will hope that the 1-vote recipients will be content with the one result they get off the back of a Ctrl+F.
On a separate note, only two people were mentioned multiple times as answers to question #4 — players you’d want on every team you play on — and since it’s a foregone conclusion that Crispy Bacon is leading the pack at 3, I will instead give the award to Mikel at 2 mentions, for the second prize of our “most desirable teammate after Crispy Bacon” award show lineup.
To break this monotony up, we have an unexpected third award: “Player most mentioned as answer to the what’d make you tank a ban question”, which is a scenario I didn’t imagine happening, as my supposition was that the answers here would consist mostly of, like, “idk I’d leave if my team was really mean!!”, but instead 1 in every 3 responses named specifically Nsphere (I should note I’m counting him under Waloo’s “2 braincell offlaner” answer), so he gets the piece of shit trophy, which will be delivered in a flaming brown paper bag to his doorstep.
ok that’s that see you in the next iteration that I’m definitely putting out soon lmao
